#1. You Are...

Why do you think I become so depressed like this?

Because you’re a very real nice dude but sadly blind.

What?

Yea you won’t have your eyes really see the true you. You want others open their blindness while 

you are the one who is all blind! Get all the barriers away here! (swiping her eyes)

How do you assume that?

How do you pretend you won’t be assumed that way?

Hey!

Hey! Come on now, people like to be seen in a way they want to be seen. In a way to construct their delusional perfect image of themselves. My words are something you want to hear because it is something you never hear from yourself! Come, listen to me

What’s now?

You are beautiful

what?

(taking a mirror) watch your face, you’re blushed like a tomato. You know why?

Because.. I’m.. flattered?

Because you finally hear the word you want to hear all your life. 

but there are so many who is more than me.

and there are so many who thinks the way you do too.

So what I need to do more often is..

yes, look at me.

What are you doing??

Giving my self a warm hug. For all the weirdness..

For all the beauty that they don't want to have on screen

For my insecurity 

For the authentic me to be the one and only...

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Letting Go

Lying on bed right now, having my own bed a bit far of touch of somebody else because this virus is very infectious. haha yeah this more like a zombie attack than a virus. i'm off of school for few days based on the doctor recommendation and i'm a bit happy for that.No, i really am happy.

not doing anything is somehow like time playing its knife around my skin. Yea actually not doing anything is not that bad, if you're good at it. you can do reflection, contemplation,meditation, simply enjoy it with your own way, and stuff that's just a bit hard getting my patience for. yea my patience is a dragon it needs more training.

too much i thought about how is "letting go" like, i know i have to let go, all the problems i have is because i collect so much rather than let go. expectation, attachment. and its like pulling more strings around your body, pull it tight, and let it torture you. you only get happy because you pull more, you have more string, you just don't know what it has caused to your palm skin or to your body. and letting go, is like loosening all of the strings off yourself.

see, i have idea about it. but when it comes to practice, my impatience overthinker side is like "how is letting go.." "ok, i'm letting go..." "is it supposed to be like this? aha bet it is!" "that was letting go! shit i'm still thinking about it." "how the fuck is letting go!?!"

wo o, congrats, you're pulling more strings.
haha letting go is simply when you just... let go and no longer question about it. because you also let go the ideas of letting go.

and well, i made few of drawing using a digital pen tablet i bought from my brother's friend. it's labelled "genius" but no sorry, its you who need to get more emotionally genius to get used to it.

Falling.

 Off the Limit.

 My Ease.

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Inhuman Greedy Eyes

couple days of school holiday has past but not yet a new post is made. i feel kind of guilty for my blog. sorry dear, sorry for everything that I've done.

turn off this nonsense glee drama.

well, my productivity button hasn't fully switched on. i haven't made any new masterpieces so farrr, uh. i really need an on button soon, before this priceless holiday is over and i end up regret things. if you have a clue to sweep away this moody, please let me know.


by the way about the title.. i'm just sometime sick of how we praise money. people nowadays are so rawrrr about money. i hate to hear people debating nominal price, with high tone, cold atmosphere. especially when they used to love eachothers.

a simple fire can burn it off, it's just stack of papers. it's made of trees. why'd still treat it like a God?

we can buy happiness with that, but unconsciously when money comes to the only focus, and we want to collect as much as we can, we stomp real happiness in the process of chasing it. we lose real happiness for an illusion we call being happy. that's why wise people say money can't buy happiness.


i made one digital art yesterday, related to greediness. i don't know what this type is called. collage?

those inhumane greedy eyes

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All Has It.

I call the outsider a "people". Forget that I am also a "people" through their eyes. sometime i want to blowing and shout out all the hard time i have, what i have been through, and what i suffered and sacrificed so "other people" will know and understand me for just little more. Forget that I'm not the only main artist in this theater of life. forget that other people feel the same in vary ways, that they have been going through hard time and  painful moment too. even much heavier compared to mine.

tidied up deep inside them.

was started spontaneously

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